【剧透】
【超强力剧透】
【如果你之前没看又懒得补这里是你最好的选择】
【中文翻译拿了HIMYM贴吧字幕组的】

Seven years ago, when Marshall and Lily got engaged,
七年前马修莉莉初订婚
Ted saw Robin across a crowded room, and I said, "Oh, yeah, you just know she likes it dirty,"
泰德人群之中遇罗宾 我曰 善 乃识其窈窕欲炮之
But Ted really liked her
然泰爱慕之心如金石
so we played "Have you met Ted?"
遂举 否遇泰耶
They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her,
二人遂共进晚餐 泰送罗返 是当吻别
 didnt - lame - so he stole a smurf penis, went back to her place,
未然 恶也 后泰窃其青号 返
should've kissed her, didnt - lame
当吻 未然 恶
He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof,
泰举盛会三 终吻于舍顶
but decided to be friends - lame
然未正道也 大恶
then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding,
一日 泰欲携罗共赴友之大婚
she couldnt go, he went alone and met Victoria
罗未至 泰独往而识维
didnt kiss her either - lame - not a great closer, Ted
然亦未吻之 噫 泰德者 卢瑟也
but he finally kissed her, they started dating,
然泰终如愿 始正道
she went to Germany, Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria.
维往德意志 泰吻罗 甩维
Ted did a rain dance, got Robin, Ted and Robin broke up,
泰行祈雨舞 得罗 然终分
Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud,
罗徙南美 与一拉丁渣渣返
Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant to the story I just like mentioning that as much as possible
泰妒 纹一媚记 虽未与主线关联 然多多益善乎
I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped being friends
吾炮罗 泰割席
Ted got hit by a bus, we made up
泰遇车祸 遂重和
Robin and I started dating, I got fat, her hair fell out.
吾始追罗 吾长肉千斤 罗恢恢疑秃
We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora
吾分 罗与唐甚密 吾追诺
cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora
与罗红杏出墙 遂弃诺
Robin dated Kevin, but not for long
罗与凯甚欢 然好景不长
and then I met you and you took my grandpa's watch
后吾识汝于佾 汝得吾祖上之手表
but I fell in love with you anyway,
然爱慕之心不可控也
and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me
汝准放气于厅堂 吾求婚
and you said yes and we came over here to meet little Marvin
汝准 后往马府探新生
and that's everything!
以上



【说此翻译装逼的献上宇宙组真正的装逼大作七言诗】

时光倒流七年前，马修莉莉把婚订
酒吧灯火阑珊处，泰德瞧上俏罗宾
我说此妞适合泡，泰德却要付真心
我做媒人牵了线
浪漫晚餐有情调，该亲未亲成遗憾
为讨芳心偷蓝号，泰德重回香闺处
依然未亲失良机，泰德追女挫到爆
三场派对迎罗宾，屋顶一吻本有戏
二人却玩老友记，依然挫得很低级
本来约定赴婚宴
罗宾有事未成行，泰德巧遇蛋糕妹
还是未亲急煞人，泰德泡妞太差劲
一吻定情终盼到，妹子却赴德国行
泰德难耐吻罗宾，异地恋情就此掰
求雨一舞赢佳人，无奈好景不长久
罗宾伤心走巴西，带回拉美小俊男
泰德妒忌喝醉酒，股上纹只大蝴蝶
此句纯属题外话，逮到机会记得提
罗宾与我一夜情，兄弟之谊从此断
泰德不幸被车撞，我俩一笑泯恩仇
罗巴佳话自此传，未料恋情成酷刑
肥仔秃妹分了手，告别旧情朝前走
激情复炽滚床单，我为罗宾甩新欢
罗宾舍我选凯文，恋情依然未结果
接着你我便相识，祖传手表被你顺
但我依然爱上你
在你跟前能放屁，请你下嫁为我妻
你欣然点头同意，我们来看小马文
来龙去脉全道尽

【我不喜欢搞但是估计得扔上来的个人声明】
一） 不是我做的字幕 差评也不是给我 你喜欢别的字幕可以看别家的 不同意见可以 但是不应该不负责任地批评字幕组人的不是或者直接给别人扣上装逼的帽子 你可以说 我不喜欢这个字幕 因为它把生活化的口语变得好学术 我不能接受 不是说 这个字幕装逼得要死你干嘛贴出来 扔下一句装逼就拍屁股走人 这是对字幕组的不尊重
二） 我把这段台词发出来的分享的目的如题 中文翻译只是挑了个自己喜欢的而已并不是本文的重点 但是自从某楼评论开始就口径一致地说“此字幕装逼” 已经偏离了我想分享的东西的主题 再者 此文言的难度最多就是高考的语文水平 并没有使用什么艰深难懂的词 值得你花两三分钟琢磨一下它的精准简洁 而不是看到是文言就扣上装逼的帽子 这和贾翻生搬硬套地卖弄句子完全不是一个性质
三） 某楼有人批评我的玻璃心 没错我是玻璃心 但这不代表你们偏颇的主观意见就是对的 如果你想讨论翻译的问题 完全可以认真严肃地拿出论点论据 或者举出更好的翻译方式 请不要拿着免费的午餐还嫌弃他分量不足味道不好

精神分裂
超级欢乐啊
用哔哩哔哩看
大家都说是不是嗑药了幻想了
高科技啊神幻剧发展了
然后然后所有人都没有了
是Ted自己一个人孤独的一个人
lily 和marshall有儿子marvin
BR也settle down
而他只有自己一个人一个人
从一开始就在寻求settle down却这么晚都还没定下来
himym真的好好看
虽然偶尔时候就不好看了无聊了
第八季前几集真是令我都失望了
不知道哪一集编剧突然又找回了水准
然后每一集都有亮点都继续那么好看了
我真的好喜欢这剧啊
最后当我们都知道那都是ted的想象与回忆
他还是在等着老妈而且他就要遇到了老妈
小黄伞一集一集的出现
编剧吊着大家吊了八季
大概还是会继续吊下去
他对着我们还是看不到正脸的老妈各种说啊说啊
不知道多少人被虐到
&好爱精神分裂的几个人
自己和自己的对话都超有梗
还有最后的合唱O(∩_∩)O哈哈~
熊孩子挺会玩啊
请继续精彩下去
因为我们知道ted会遇到老妈的

-----------------应该不会有几个人点开看-----------------
Ted Mosby，在经过了整整八季的寻找后，终于快要等来自己的Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz.

在这个时刻，值得写下一些什么。

之前一直觉得自己和Ted有诸多相似之处（相应的，在《老友记》里面我像的形象是Ross），不管是在感情上那出了名的高标准，还是他舍得去为喜欢的人去做的那些事情，亦或是总爱思前想后过度踌躇，甚至是他对Robin的一往情深——即使Robin的心已另有所属。

用大家都能懂的伪科学星座来讲的话，剧中对Ted的设定是金牛座的男人，而且生日与我仅仅相差一天。

但最近，我越想越觉得，他和我实在有太多不一样。

首先要确定，爱情是荷尔蒙的作用么？

按剧中对上面那个德语单词的解释，“Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time. It is something that happens instantaneously. ”编剧大人在这里算是支持了上面的观点。

可仔细想想就知道，仅仅由荷尔蒙决定的感情是无力维持的。

Ted比我强的最关键的一点就在于，在对孩儿他妈的长期寻找中，他一直在使自己变得更强大，变得更吸引人。他会滔滔不绝地与你谈论他喜爱的领域，会去做各种看起来很傻但是很有意思的事情，同时，不放弃自己即将遇到小黄伞的信念（虽然一直拿着本《霍乱时期的爱情》在地铁上看这种钓鱼行为令人非常Orz）。

只有这样，在真正遇到“老妈”的时候，你才能让她感到开心，你的光辉才能让她也彻底爱上你。所谓的命中注定，无非是实力超群——至少是实力相当。

没有一个帝国是靠谦卑维持的。感情也一样。

Ted的核心竞争力绝不在于他的深情（不然Robin也不会走），偷圆号、祈雨舞、烛光晚餐、分享微博上有趣的东西和好听的歌曲……“这些都不是重点”，这些只是锦上添花。其实不管是谁，决定他在恋人眼中价值的唯一重要因素就是这个人本身散发出来的魅力。虽然只有能接收特定波长的人才能体会到，但唯有拼了命地去提升它，我们才有可能见到第九季的完美结局。

没有可持续性的美好是不值得去怀念的。

好了，我承认，其实我谈的不是HIMYM.

其实我只是找了一个看起来合适的看过的条目，然后把想打的揉进去而已。

肥皂剧有完结，但生活没有，爱情更没有。有点耐心，毕竟你自己的故事才刚刚第一季。你要接受因为以前的经历所带来的今天的所有后果，并且坚定地相信只要慢慢地一点点改变，若干年后的自己总会达到自己的期望。

-----------------应该更不会有几个人坚持看到这里-----------------
我爱你。
这世界上最苍白和无力的三个字却有着世界上最丰富的内涵。
一语千言。

  
相对于前几季的遮掩，这一季起码看到了除了老妈脸部以上的其他部位，这就是S801的大彩蛋啊！很明显，第一集的作用就是给上一季结尾擦屁股。就个人而言，一直不相信Vic是老妈的终极人选（肤浅来讲，演员的卡司强度不够啊！）而Ted对于klaus的愧疚更多是出于对自己和Vic未来感情道路的不确定，怀疑她到底是不是自己的the one。

编剧巧妙的借助同样想逃婚的Klaus之口解释了天作之合这个词。
There is a word in German: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz, and the closest translation would be “Life long Treasure of Destiny”. （题外话：德语真TMD看着难学，这就是所谓的‘高贵德国人’高贵之处的一种体现吧）
Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something that develops over time.
It is something that happens instantaneously.
It courses through you like the water of a river after a storm, filling you and emptying you all at once. You feel it throughout your body, in your hands, in your heart, in your stomach, in your skin. Of course you feel it in your Schlauchmachendejungen.
“And you`re absolutely sure you`ll find that someday?”
“Everyone does eventually. You just never know when or where.”

这应该是一种love u first time的砰然心动，继而历久弥新的感觉吧。就像Marshal和Lily那种看似不靠谱的认识，却兜兜转转后始终陪伴在彼此（从初恋至今依然相伴，这对于恋爱观念开放的大米利坚来说几乎是不可能的事情）。抑或者是Robin和barney那种彼此深爱虽在死皮赖脸的不承认，却又无法忽视彼此对自己的重要性。可是现实生活中的the one到底是否存在呢？长寿如此的sitcom最终会有幸福美满的结局，人生啊，where to find your Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz?

5月14号，迫不及待的从电脑上看了S8的最后一集，也许是前集的铺垫过于让人动容，24集反倒没有预料中的那么激烈。最后一分钟出现的那个穿着靴子拿着信物小黄伞的新面孔，到底是不是老妈，也还不能100%确定。总觉得这集隐约透露着B和R潜在婚礼的危机。我们是如此相像，以至于你可以领悟我的每句话每个动作，用这句话来定义B和R的关系再合适不过。所以，大家固执地猜测上一集代表something old的坠链是barney提前挖走的，因为不可能他猜不透Ted可以理解的Robin的潜台词。可当谜底揭开了，却发现R的项链是自己挖走的，并且也道出了当年R对于Ted和Stella婚礼的失魂落魄。看到这里，我都想忍不住咆哮一句：胖瘦编剧，你搞毛啊！！！！现在弄这一出是想折腾死观众。Ted大仁哥的本质被你们弄得越来越人感天动地好伐！有人说，蓝颜的存在是为了折射出伴侣做的多么不足。当所有人都不明白你的nah, that's stupid!这句暗语时，他却为了你可以抛弃手中重要的事情，只为了make you smile.并且R还没有知道T和V的分手原因，纵然B和R应该可以走到最后，可是Ted的这份情谊真不知道怎样收场，或者说转移到老妈身上？突然想到Lily和Marshall打赌的那句：Not yet!所以我大胆猜测，Robin阿姨最后会成为黄金圣斗士

Step 1: admit to yourself that you still have feelings for this girl.
(I'm hopelessly,irretrievably in love with her,more than she knows.)

Step 2: choose the conpletely wrong moment to make a drunken move after hanging out at a strip club, and get shot down on purpose.

Step 3: agree that you to don't work,locking the door on any future you could have together,which will drive Robin nuts.
(I'm done trying to get you.I can't do it any more.)

Step 4: Robin goes nuts.

Step 5: find the person who annoys Robin most in the world——Patrice——and ask for her help.Explain everything to Patrice and hope she agrees to help.

Step 6: check with your doctor about possible broken ribs.

Step 7: pretend to be dating Patrice.

Step 8: wait until Robin breaks into your place to find the Playbook and show it to Patrice,which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras in the apartment.

Step 9: after Patrice find out about the Playbook,have your first big fight.

Step 8: show your loyalty to Patrice by burning the Playbook and actually burn the book.You don't need it any more.

Step 9: because your friends have no boundaries,they'll inevitably have an intervention for Robin,which you'll monitor via the hidden cameras you have in Marshall and Lily's apartment.

Step 12: tell only Ted your plan to propose to Patrice.

Step 13: wait and see if Ted tells Robin,and if he does,it means your best bro in the world has let go of Robin and has given you his blessing.

Step 14: Robin arrives at her favorite spot in the city and find the secret final page of the Playbook,the last play you'll ever run.

Step 15: Robin realizes she's standing underneath mistletoe.

Turn it over.

Step 16: I hope she says yes.
(Robin Scherbatsky,will you marry me?)


附车里Ted与Robin的对话：


I appreciate what you're doing.But I'm not chasing Barney anymore.I...I just got done being crazy about all that.I mean why would I ant to throw myself back in that pit?

Because you're in love with him.

No,I'm not.I'm happy for him.

So it doesn't bother you that Barney Stinson's gonna propose to another woman on top of the World Wide News building?

Wait,why the top of the World Wide News building?

I guess it's Partice's favorite spot in the city.

Damn it,Patrice,that's my favorite spot in the city!!!

Whoa...

Well,maybe that one detail stings a little bit,but that doesn't mean I'm in love with Barney.Look,I...I hope it goes well for Barney.Ireally do.But tonight there is no place I would rather be than at your building celebrating with you.

Are you sure?

Ranji,to Teddy Westside's kick-ass building.Hey,do you realize that something you thought up in your head now exists as a part of the Manhattan skyline?That's huge.

It's just a building.I mean,I'm incredibly young for such an achievement,but it's just a building.I mean,Architecture Vision Wekly may have dubbed it "more than just a building," but it's just a building.So let's not get carried...Okay,you're right,it's huge.

It is huge.You are the star of the party,and who knows?Maybe the future Mrs. Ted Mosby is gonna be there.

Yeah,maybe she will.

Wait,this isn't your...This is the World Wide News building.

Go get him.

I told you,I'm done chasing Barney.Now can we please go to your party?

Robin,do you want to spend tonight making small talk with a bunch of bankers in a daring yet refined contemporary masterpiece King Kong should feel lucky to climb or do you want to follow your heart?

Why do you keep insisting that I have feelings for Barney?

Because you do.The point is,you're not over Barney.That's why you freaked out about him proposing on the roof of the World Wide News building.

I do not freak out.It's just a teeny,tiny bit annoying that I'm the one who showed her that roof in the first place!!!Damn it,Patrice!!!

Whoa...

What do you want me to do,Ted?Run up to that roof,knock the ring out of Barney's hand,and say,"Sorry to interrupt,but you should be with me"?

Is that what you want?

No.I don't.I can't keep making an ass of myself.

Well,a word in defense of making an ass of yourself,it's underrated.Eight years ago,I made an ass of myself chasing after you,and I've made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of time since then.But I have no regrets.Because it led me to something that I wouldn't trade fot the world.It led to you being my friend.So,as your friend and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself,I say to you from the heart,get the hell out of this car.

But,Ted,your big night.

It's just a building.

0812，BARNEY 终于向ROBIN求婚了
作为忠实的BR粉，却被HIMYM真正的主角TED感动到泪流满面

并且不止一次

2013年的第一天，花了整整一天的时间，回顾了过去的7季
TED与ROBIN的故事，起源于BARNEY的一个游戏“have u met ted"
ROBIN惊鸿一瞥，TED一见钟情
我记得当初看头两季的时候，BARNEY只是以一个打酱油的角色，负责搞笑，真的真的没有吸引到我多少眼球
随着他和ROBIN渐渐走到一起，再分开，再纠结，到现在重新复合DAMN IT ，真的会被BARNEY迷住啊！哪个女人会拒绝花花公子只为你颠倒红尘的感觉呢？可是，
BARNEY 是毒，轻易不尝试没有强大的心脏，怎能与之周旋

而TED不一样
TED就是那种你我在身边随时可以见到的男人
有情有义，平凡真实
他有时虚荣，有时迷糊，有时浮夸，有时傻缺
但他同时既理想又浪漫，滑头也不缺急智，有情有义，敢爱敢恨
他是MARSHALL和BARNEY同时认定的BEST BRO，是LILY最信任的朋友（甚至胜过MARSHALL），也是ROBIN最好的哥们儿

他是理想主义的
他相信一见钟情，当第一眼就爱上了ROBIN后，立刻付诸行动，热情真诚，毫不拖泥带水
当婚介所的媒婆对他宣布"you are going to die alone"时，他坚定的说“i don't know,but i believe, if a cockroach and a mouse can find love in this city and damn it so can't i?"
他为了追到ROBIN，傻傻的相信祈雨舞，在烈日下手舞足蹈了一个多小时求来了暴风雨，天意让ROBIN去不成该死的郊游
留下来和TED在一起

他是浪漫的
当他爱上STELLA，决心追求她后
尽管伤过一次的STELLA诸多犹豫，他还是排除困难釜底抽薪想出2 MINIUTES' DATING，和STELLA共度一个美好的中午，获得STELLA的芳心
他又是那么通透
尽管后来STELLA和旧爱和好
背弃了TED
他还是原谅了STELLA，成全她们一家人

TED在与STELLA分手后一次偶遇说过一段心里话：what you and TONY have,what i thought for a second you and i had,what i know that MARSHALL and LILY have, i want that. i do. i keep waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen, and, i guess i'm just ,um, i'm tired of waiting, and that is all i'm going to say on that subject.
TED在得知LILY 曾经在他和ROBIN的关系中起到间接负面作用，非常生气：you had no right to interfere in my relationships, you got lucky, okay? yo met the love of your love in a dorm hallway when yo were 18, but that doesn't give you the right to play GOD to the rest of us mortals down here who are still looking for someone.
VICTORIA 要求TED和ROBIN不再做朋友才嫁给他，TED伤心的说：i can't iimagine life without ROBIN, but she'll never be in love with me. she'll never be my wife, she'll never be the person i grow old with, VICTORIA could be. 尽管如此，他还是选择ROBIN：i'm not in love with ROBIN, but she's like family to me, i can't end that.
当他得知BARNEY 要向其他人求婚，尽管犹豫过，最终还是鼓励ROBIN去追求自己喜欢的男人而不要有遗憾：a word in defense of making an ass of yourself, it's underrated. eight years ago, i made an ass of myself chasing after you, and i've made an ass of myself chasing after you a bunch of times since then, but i have no regrets, because it let me to something that i wouldn't trade for the world, it let to you being my friend.so as your friend, and a leading expert in the field of making an ass of yourself, i say to you, from the heart, get the hell out of this car.
我饱含泪水得重温这个片段无数遍，每一遍都被TED感动到无法自拔。这段话的每个词都刻在我的心里，提醒着我何为对感情的真挚和执着，如何做一个感情上的强者。相比TED make an ass of himself, BARNEY 处处自欺欺人的态度和对婚姻的畏难心理真的是弱爆了，尽管BARNEY是个好玩的男人，谈一场恋爱打的是心理战，玩得是捉迷藏，步步为营虚实错杂，而TED只是温柔如水细腻入微，爱得坦荡踏实认真专情。
选择只归因于个人的缘孽，没有孰对孰错孰是孰非
但无疑TED值得一个好的女人，一份完整的姻缘。尽管，他和我们共同等待了8年

那个撑着小黄伞的老妈，正如STELLA所言：“she's on her way, and she's getting here as fast as she can”